Where did the words go?

So, I really wanted to start this newsletter up again. But in order to do that I had to provide you with an all-encompassing explanation as to why I ‘left’ and why I came back. Right? That’s how this works? That just filled me with dread to the point where I didn’t write anything at all. If I couldn’t offer you a perfect explanation with some life-altering circumstance that would be a satisfactory reason for abandoning a *newsletter commitment* then WHY BOTHER, FARELLI?

That’s essentially how my reasoning went. However, I started thinking about why I even wrote the newsletter to begin with. Yes, I have lots of words and thoughts that I would like to shout from the rooftops, but really, it was an anchor. Something to pin me down and help me focus on writing during a time when so many things simply weren’t able to be pinned down.

As we all know, it was around a year ago when the pandemic started. Nobody had a fucking clue what was going on. Being asked to stay in our homes for two weeks sounded outlandish but manageable (two weeks LOL) and it just kept changing. There was so much uncertainty and fear. I remember referring to it as All of This, almost like I didn’t want to acknowledge it too much because, surely, it would all be over soon? 

There was a certain amount of blissful ignorance I basked in because what was the alternative? Admit that I was genuinely scared to go to the supermarket, cry because I miss my family, have a tantrum because somehow there’s still dishes to do even though only two people live in my house? Well, I’ve done all of those things. And I’m still here. All of This is still going on, albeit with some tentative light at the end of the tunnel. 

And that’s when I realised nobody expects an explanation. For one thing, nobody gives as much of a shit about us as we do ourselves, if we’re honest. Second, we’ve all been simmering in our own versions of what I’ve just described. You, my lovely reader, aren’t here to make sure I’m doing what I set out to do. You’re just here for the words, and it’s my job to write some good ones. It’s simple, really.