As so often happens in life, you can go into something thinking you’ll know what you’re doing and it ends up as something entirely different. Some stuff is big like going to university to study a subject and ending up with a career in an entirely different industry (we can live with that). Other times it’s smaller, like surprising yourself by ordering something different for lunch (queue instant regret).
I think a lot about changing your mind and its slightly negative connotation. It’s something I’ve thought about a lot throughout my university and work life. For so long, I wanted to be a fashion designer. But I was really bad at it. So, what can you do? Crack on until you get better? Or cut your losses and try something else?
I don’t know if my way is the right way, but I think it’s ok to just try something else. In that case, I went back to writing – my secret first love. I say secret because it’s sometimes not taken seriously as a profession, particularly when I was growing up. Even now, people have been unable to contain themselves when I say I’m a writer - ‘but HOW do you make money?!’ they wail – and truthfully, it’s taken me a long time to confidently describe myself as a writer.
Because I’ve been a string of other things. And when you have a list of perceived ‘failures’ behind you, it makes it hard to be concrete in what you feel you are now, because, heaven forbid, you change your mind again.
But really, what’s wrong with changing your mind? If something isn’t working for you, why not switch to something that does? I’m working towards my writing goals now, and while I feel confident in what I’m offering, who knows what could happen in the future? One day I could be writing to you to tell you about the film I made, the cakes I’m baking, the artisan candles I’m selling, who bloody knows. But isn’t that kind of, dare I say it, exciting?